So Many Emotions

 

There is a show on TLC about this lady who can communicate with the dead. It's called Long Island Medium, and the lady is a mix between John Edward and Snooki. I only caught the last 5 minutes, but as soon as the show ended I was in tears. She was speaking to this lady who's father had passed away right before her grandson was born. She told the lady that her father was telling her that he got to hold her grandson before he passed into the after world.... AND I LOST IT. 

My grandfather passed away about three months ago when I was five months pregnant. It was honestly the hardest thing that I have ever gone through. Two years ago I moved to Portland and lived with my grandparents. Although school was a huge reason for me wanting to move, the main reason was to be able to be here and help my grandparents out, especially since my grandfathers cancer was getting worst and I couldn't bare the thought of my grams having to face it alone. My gramps had been battling cancer for years now and I never really knew how it effected him until I moved in with them. I knew he had his bad days and there were a lot of nights spent in the hospital with him. He was mostly bed ridden and I we would all do our best to make him feel comfortable. 

Every morning I would walk up to their room and jump on the big giant bed he was on and say good morning. Every time I came home the first thing I would do was jump on that bed and give him a big hug. I was so nervous to tell him that I was pregnant. I wasn't sure how he would feel about it. My sister and I were his babies, and since we moved in with them, I knew it was interesting for him to see how much we were becoming women. I knew I was pregnant for a couple of months before I finally worked up the nerve to tell him. I went into his room, jumped up on the bed next to him like I always did and told him I had some exciting news. As soon as I said the words I could see the worry in his face. After I explained to him how excited Jordan and I were about it, the worry left and was replaced with a huge smile. He was going to be a great grandpa for the first time and couldn't be more excited. The farther into my pregnancy the worst his health got. He would tell me how he hoped that he would at least make it to be able to hold his first great grandchild. That broke me heart. I didn't want to accept the fact that my grandfather wouldn't be here to meet my child. 

My gramps didn't make it, but after watching that show there is now a part of me that believes that he still got to hold his great grandchild. In fact, that lucky guy got to see him before all of us! My son will now be named Ellis, after his great grandfather who loved him so much before even meeting him, and although Ellis will never get to meet his great grandfather that he was named after, he will most definitely know how much of an amazing person he was and how much of an honor it is to be named after someone so amazing and special. 

Mama outfit.

Saturday Market

Had a good day with the family. Started the morning off with Jordan and grandma Kathy putting together the new stroller and car seat. I was eager to see it out of the box. It is so hard to believe that I will soon be pushing around my son in that stroller. We decided to take Kathy to the Saturday Market today. She really enjoyed the sea of eclectic people that I am proud to say represent Portland. We indulged in the food carts, found amazing hand made crafts created by locals, and of course enjoyed some entertainment from a variety of street performers. After the Saturday Market we found ourselves in a cute little Irish Pub called Kells. I must say,  I really do miss being able to go out and have a drink and I was definitely lusting over the foamy glass of Guinness that Jordan was drinking. My time will soon come again. Finding out I was pregnant two months after I turned 21 kind of put an early stop on my fun. Although having my son will make the wait all worth while.

Grandma is in town!

Both pictures are taken off the dock of our home. Loving the river life.

Today Jordan's mom flew in from California to spend the weekend with us. First stop, Target! She was very eager to buy the baby stuff. Our son officially has his stroller and car seat and not just any stroller and car seat but an Eddie Bauer Trailmaker Travel System. Woohoo! This kid will be rollin in style. While at Target we also decided to buy a camera so we can take pictures and videos of the baby when he is born. I am super excited. I am pretty sure this is the first fancy digital camera that I have ever owned. Jordan and I have been testing it out all day.

Jana Romanova Photography "Waiting"

I came across these amazing photos by Russian photographer Jana Romanova. Jana took pictures of her pregnant friends, acquaintances, and strangers with their partners first thing in the morning while they were sleeping. She wanted to capture the couples at a time that they were not aware of their appearances and also wanted to capture the natural state of their relationship while expecting a child.

 The Series "Waiting" includes 40 images representing the 40 weeks of pregnancy.

"All people wait in a different way. Especially when they are going to have a baby. To begin with - being ready to give birth to a child is in a woman's nature. Once she got pregnant woman is ready to become a mother, Usually this force is stronger then all thoughts and hesitations, and during pregnancy her mind changes as well as her body. But when it comes to a man there is always a question. Hormones don't effect his behavior and there is no little life growing inside him during 9 months. Is waiting for a child social or natural for a man in our world? What is special in his waiting?All pictures in this project were made during early morning when couples are sleeping or drowsing, and don't really care about their appearance and one can see thier attitude to each other and to this little miracle that is growing up inside their family. Although there is no action in this series of pictures, but still it is a narrative which can be read out of poses in which each of them lie, out of the surface of their rooms. All these pictures are not staged and were produced during early in the morning when couples were asleep and didn't know about the shooting or they just woke up and too sleepy to care about their appearance.

I tried to understand what kind of roles a young man and woman play in their new family. From the very beginning when he hasn’t yet realized he’s going to be a father, and she is left alone with this knowledge about a small life growing inside her, passing the step where he becomes a child himself rejecting this new responsibility, and after that coming to a part where he awakes and slowly and they start to play equal roles in the process of waiting.

Waiting not only for a child to be born, but also for their entire life to be changed in 40 weeks."

33 weeks

 I can not believe how fast time is going by. Was it not just yesterday that I found out I was pregnant? Feels like it. It is hard to believe that in a little over a month from now I'll have a baby. A small fragile human being that is mine, like I am actually responsible for a human being! It blows my mind. I couldn't be more excited though and the closer it gets to my due date, the more I want this kid to be out of me already. Unfortunately, I am still working although I was over it about a month ago. Because I work in the fabulous life of retail, I am on my feet a lot and when you're carrying the weight of a baby, your back and feet are screaming at you by the end of the day. I am pleased to say that I finally put in my two weeks at my job, something I have been wanting to do before I even got pregnant. Although I plan on taking a few months to be with the baby, I am super excited about my new job that will be replacing my current one.

A week ago I was hired as a supervisor at Motherhood Maternity. Couldn't be more perfect right? It feels like everything is coming together just right. I finally have a job where I won't have to worry about supporting my child. It couldn't have happened at a better time, and I am already so in love with the company. They pretty much recruited me when I went in shopping for bras one day. I wasn't even looking for a new job, in fact I planned on waiting for the job hunting until January of next year when I planned on going back to work. Fate had its way though and the PERFECT job came to me. Because they are a company based off motherhood, they have been so understanding and supporting with me being a new mommy. They're willing to train me and let me start as a supervisor in January when I come back from leave. Now how perfect is that? Not to mention that as an apparel design student, I hoped to some day focus on maternity clothes, because lets face it, the choices of clothes that us preggos have to wear is not very good.  I did pick up some great things at motherhood though the other day. In the picture above I am wearing one of their basic long sleeve striped v-kneck shirts and some super cute purple skinny chords (stripes and chords are kinda my thing). Oh and I can't go without mentioning my great goodwill find, check the shoes. Three dollas! yee.

How It All Started

Now here is the story of how I got to be in this situation. Finding out I was pregnant 2 months after I turned 21 was not really something I imagined that would happen to me. However, I am a true believer of EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. Three pregnancy test later, I took the situation with ease. Having a great man by my side made it a whole of a lot easier. We were ready to take on the task of parenthood no matter how scary it seemed.

Now here is another story; how I met my boyfriend. Jordan and I had only known each other 6 months before I got pregnant, and to be honest, it all felt so right. I have never felt like I have known anyone as well as I know him. And how did we meet you may ask? Have you ever heard of a site called OkCupid? That is right folks, my boyfriend and father of my unborn child and I met on a dating website. Now here is the thing, I joined OkCupid as a complete joke. It was something a coworker told me about when I was complaining about the lack of guys in my life considering I worked at the Gap and went to school for fashion. Meeting decent straight guys in Portland was a challenge for me, but I never expected that online dating would be the answer for my problem. I joined the website out of complete curiosity and I thought it would give me a good laugh. And oh did it ever! Messages started to pour in from the Portland guy pool, needless to say that there was quite of a variety of weirdos. I would share the funny messages and AWFUL pick up lines with my friends. This website was pure entertainment to me. I never planned on actually meeting any of these people in person... until one day... I found a message in my inbox. This guy was cute, his profile didn't seem phony, and we grew up 15 minutes from each other in Southern California! Could this be real? It took me moving a thousand miles away for me to meet a perfect guy who was from the same exact place that I was. I was intrigued and we began to message each other for weeks. Messages turned into text and texts eventually turned into me agreeing to meet him in person. I was terrified.

Our first date went well. He met me at the mall I worked at (I wanted it to be a public place), and as soon as he walked up to me I had the biggest smile on my face. HE WAS ADORABLE. We took the MAX to the waterfront and walked around the Saturday Market for a while. He had only lived in Portland for about a month and I wanted him to do something Portlandy with me. The man talked non stop the entire time. He was definitely not shy around me. He talked about his dogs, his love for music, his close relationship with his mother, and excitement over his new journey he was about to start by moving to Portland. Who knew that I was to become an important part of that journey.

Since that day we met, I don't think we have gone more than three days without being with each other. And to be honest I don't think I could be having a baby with a more perfect person. He is going to be a GREAT father, I am not worried about that one bit.

Something New

Hi there,

Let me take a moment to introduce myself and to share with you my intentions for this blog. My name is Trish. I am a young mother to be (21 to be exact), an apparel design student, a southern California native, and for two years now I have been proud to call Portland my home. I have thought about doing this blog thing for a while. Being pregnant I have sought out over the internet for people like me; young mothers who are starting a new family, living in a new place, and let's face it, are scared shitless about the future. I have gone through a lot of changes, not only within the last 8 months that I have known that I was pregnant, but within the last couple of years. I would like to share this journey and the journey that is to come with people who like me, are seeking out answers and plane out reassurance that someone out there is going through it too.

On this blog I plan to share my new discoveries about life as a pregnant lady and then as a mother. I would like to share "maternity fashion" or should I say lack there of, funny stories, tips, crafts, and well... anything else that comes to mind in this new motherhood life of mine. Now who is to know if anyone will even care to read or come across this page. Here is hoping for the best, that is that I am able to share what I am going through with who ever cares to listen.